You have to wonder about…

Appearances. I don’t just mean how people look or dress, I’m talking more about buildings and their exterior and/or interior presentation. Julian and I went shopping today (again!), this time to get a slightly smaller (alright, a lot smaller) Christmas Tree. We (read: “I”) decided to go first to Myer, then Big W, Target, and finally, DJ’s. I was reminiscing about how I used to enjoy going shopping at Myer, many, many years ago, but didn’t particularly like DJ’s, because I thought of them as being a little bit too “snobbish”, yet these days, I avoid Myer, and usually make straight for DJ’s, even though it’s almost impossible to get served there. Why? Because Myer have begun to let themselves get very “down at heel”. The floors are overcrowded with racks of dubious quality goods; if you’re in a wheelchair, or have a shopping trolley, it’s very difficult to get around the display tables that they (and just about everyone else, it seems!) insist on placing in the middle of their fairly narrow aisles, the ambiance is gloomy and “feels” sort of dark. What’s more, for seven years, they haven’t bothered to re-number the floor listings in their lift, so that you’re not always sure which floor it is that you’ve arrived at. Generally speaking, the whole store has an air of dowdiness and tiredness. Compared to DJ’s, or even Target for that matter, Myer just doesn’t present well. So anyway, we did our shopping, bought the tree, etc., but instead of going home, we went off to a certain shop which deals in undergarments for the larger woman (*rolls eyes*) I haven’t been there for a long time – many years, in fact – I usually get whatever I have to from them online, but seeing as I’ve lost some weight, I thought that this time perhaps I’d better try the items on (I was shopping for a nightgown – my old winter caftan is almost falling off me, and it’s too hot to wear in summer, anyway) I have to say that when we got there I was a lot taken aback. They made Myer look like the crown jewels! Frankly, it was a pretty horrible place… shabby, grubby, messy, and extremely depressing. There were two other ladies there, one was trying on some undergarments – there wasn’t much privacy, I’m afraid, the other lady was just walking around. They both looked hot, tired, embarrassed and miserable. You know, it’s bad enough that fat people have such a hard time finding anything that fits them. It’s bad enough that those clothes are expensive, but not worth the materials used to make them. It’s bad enough that we have to put up with the sidelong glances, the looks that clearly say “If you didn’t eat so much, you wouldn’t be so gross!”, impatience if you’re clumsy or slow… All those things are bad enough on their own, but to have to shop in places like that totally crushes your sense of self worth – you begin to feel that perhaps that’s really all you do deserve! I don’t care if big people tell you that they’re proud of who they are, I don’t care if they tell you that they do love themselves, and that everything’s alright – because I think they’re lying. I do the same thing most of the time, and when I do, I’m lying. There are only two decent shops that cater to the larger figure, My Size, and Autograph. Unfortunately, a lot of big people can’t afford to shop at those places, My Size in particular. Even I, who can afford their clothes, find great difficulty in justifying buying an only reasonably nice top for over $100. Target and Kmart do stock some larger fittings, but not nearly enough… I’m losing weight, and it’s really not that hard – I’m not going hungry, I’m not really missing out on anything. Sure, it dull, boring, and monotonous – and it’s not forever. But it is fairly expensive, so please, don’t blame fat people for being fat. You have no idea what sort of lives they lead. You have no idea what sort of problems they face. And you really, really have no idea if their problem is a simple case of over-eating, or whether there’s a chemical imbalance which prevents them from ever feeling satisfied, let alone “full”. Could you cope, if you felt really hungry, all the time? Please think about that, next time you’re tempted to sneer, or “fat shame” another person!

Sorry about the rant! 🙂 It’s just that that place today, and those two miserable women, made me almost want to weep at the way society treats us “fatties” :/

Weigh-in this morning wasn’t quite so bad – things could have been better – but then again, they could have been worse! I went down to 112.8kg – not quite the 112.7kg that I was the day before yesterday, and I suppose I’ll do what I always do when I want to annoy myself (??), I’ll stay the same tomorrow, and probably the day after, before starting to go down again. I think I’ll call them “mini plateaus” 😉

Anyway, tune in tomorrow for more guff from me – I promise I’ll try not to get so carried away – we decorate the tree tomorrow after breakfast, so stand by for a blow by blow description! My project is coming along nicely, thank you very much, and you’ll even get to find out whether or not I’ve annoyed myself by fluffing around on 112.8kg again, or if I’ve gone down another couple of notches! 🙂 See you all on the flip side! 🙂

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