Winter’s log, earthdate 201507.01

Once again, my favourite eldest daughter was supposed to come over today, but… erm… she wasn’t well again. We’re both on the Optifast VLCD, and I quite like the taste of the bars and the soups – I don’t like the aftertaste of the so-called “shakes” though – they do leave a disagreeable aftertaste in my mouth – but Lee likes them. I don’t know if all of the Optifast products have the artificial sweetener, Sorbitol, in them, but apparently a lot of their sweeter things do (like the “shakes” and the “dessert puddings”, which I don’t have because I don’t like them – disagreeable aftertaste, remember?) One of the possible side effects of Sorbitol is a very upset tummy – if there’s Sorbitol in the Optifast Bars which I have for lunch, it can’t be much – I certainly haven’t noticed any chemical aftertaste, anyway – and I’ve not been affected, but I don’t have the shakes or the desserts, nor do I chew sugarless gum, or drink low-calorie fizzy drinks of any kind – chewing gum gives me a jaw ache after a short while, and the only fizzy drink I like, but can’t have at the moment, is champagne (FOC!*) Just wait until I reach my goal weight though! I shall have a half glass of champagne and a small piece of KFC (with chips) to celebrate, with a small wedge of chocolate mud cake with cream, for dessert. Then I’ll go back on my diet for two weeks to take the weight I put on eating all those yummy things back off again! 😉 And that, gentle readers, is why although my goal weight is 75kg, I’m going to go down to 70kg, so that I have a bit of leeway when I go onto a maintenance diet. Anyway, my favourite eldest daughter has got an upset tummy again, so she wasn’t over today, and I was supposed to get on with packing up all my junk in here all my little bits and pieces in here… but Julian wanted to go and get packing paper and bubble wrap, and this, that, and the other, so I Rifted instead. Oh, and he also picked up the cowl tunic jumper thingy wot I ordered from Autograph – it came in yesterday, and he picked it up this morning. It’s a beautiful sort-of dark junior navy, and it’s very long (I can now see why they call it a “tunic”! It doesn’t look this long in the ad!) Let me put it this way – it’s long enough that it feels funny when I’m walking around – it feels like I’m wearing a really short mini skirt, bumping against my thighs! Weird! But it’s nice and warm, it suits me, and I like it. I should have bought two! (but I’m not going to get another one now – the Sale is over!) By the time Julian got back, and then wanted to do a few other things, and then came in, at around three o’clock to say “OK, where do you want to start?” I looked at him and said “Is it really worthwhile me starting now? I only have three-quarters of an hour before I start my blog…” So yours truly didn’t do any packing today, which is awkward, because there’s a great deal to pack up in here, and I have a Hairdresser’s appointment tomorrow afternoon (my coffee cup is empty! 😦 ) Well, I Rifted this morning, and because of the results of my weigh-in this morning, I wrote a little “sketch” – think “Little Britain”, and Julian Clary type of humour  – which I sent off to our “off-site expert”, my favourite eldest daughter, who has written screen/radio plays so she knows what she’s about, for editing and correcting. You’ll be able to see it shortly… 🙂

I’m not really looking forward to tomorrow morning – literally everything except the veneer and varnish is coming down off the bookshelves on my side of the room (Julian’s already done his bookshelves – but he didn’t have a plethora of tiny ornaments and figurines to dust, clean, and wrap before boxing them all up!) And not only that, but these “special cleaners” who are going to scour our apartment once we get all our stuff out, are coming over tomorrow at 1 o’clock to have a look and see just how much they’re going to have to do next Tuesday! I feel all grotty, now – who ever heard of cleaners who had to come in and inspect how much cleaning there was going to be?! Carmen called it an “Army Cleanup” – I don’t know if that’s because they send an “army” of cleaners, a crate or two of actual “army ants” that will chomp their way through the apartment leaving nothing standing except the walls, or whether they clean it thoroughly enough for it to pass muster by an army Sergeant Major! (Ahhh… I now have a full cup of coffee! Thank you, Julian! 🙂 ) Our cleaning lady is a lovely person, and she does a good enough job for day-to-day living (except that she won’t dust anything, in case she drops and breaks it! *rolls eyes*) but this place has to look like a brand new display home, and a wad of Flipper fluff left under the couch would probably cause the Charmingly Delightful Carmen to have a fit of apoplexy! All I can say is… roll on, August 20th! :/

Weigh-in this morning went something like this (please substitute “Den” for “stage”)

A Darth Wynter episode – think “Little Britain” and Julian Clary type of over acted, slightly ridiculous comedy…

Curses! Foiled again!


[DARTH WYNTER enters stage left, swirling her long black opera cape as she walks briskly to centre stage, revealing the cape’s startlingly scarlet lining. On her head she wears a black top hat that doesn’t quite fit her, and she’s twirling her obviously fake and not very well stuck-on moustachios. Reaching centre stage, she’s startled to see a large and overly ornate set of scales. Flinging both hands up in front of her face in a highly dramatic gesture, she gasps audiably.]


[Recoiling a step backwards, hisses, haming it up]

What’s this I see before me? Can it be? Yes! It is! It’s a set of scales!

[pauses, turns to the audience, and purses her lips coquettishly, but she’s not talking to the audience yet]

Shall I weigh myself?

[DARTH WYNTER now addresses the audience directly, and says, normally, in a conversational tone]

I’ve been dieting, you know – I expect that I shall have lost a great deal of weight – I’m sure I must have lost at least 4 kilos!

[turns back to the scales, and flinging one side of her opera cape over one shoulder with a flamboyant gesture, she steps onto the scales – there’s a longish pause. Darth Wynter’s mouth moves, but no words are heard. She makes to-ing and fro-ing gestures with her fingers. A horrified expression crosses her face which she quickly masks, replacing it with a look that is between a smile and a snarl. Stepping off the scales she says in an aside]

Curses! Foiled again!

[speaking directly to the audience]

Oh my! The scales appear to be broken! What a shame!

[she gives an over-bright, obviously fake, straight lipped smile, and saunters off, stage right]


And that, gentle readers, was pretty much what happened to me this morning, except that the scales are not broken, as my sometime alter ego suggested, they’re actually working just fine… it’s just that this morning, when for once I was almost positive that I would have shed at least one or two points… but…. “Curses! Foiled Again!” – I stayed the same as I was yesterday, at 84.3kg. Oh well, at least I didn’t go up! (that’s happening tomorrow!) And! And… this morning, my favourite eldest daughter reached the weight that I was when I started this diet on August 18th last year! If I’m not careful, she’ll catch up to me! 🙂 But this isn’t a race, unless it’s to see how long we can both live now that we’re getting ourselves healthier and fitter! 🙂 (and quite frankly, I hope she beats me in that! 🙂 ) Of course, the moral to this story is: “Don’t be an Optimist! Be a Pessimist because they never get disappointed!” 😉

So there it is – “Another day in the Life of…” me. Tomorrow will be interesting, if nothing else! But this desk is going to look so bare, with none of the paraphernalia and clutter that usually surrounds me – though who knows? I might like it so much that I’ll never be messy and untidy again! Ahhh… no. This is me we’re talking about here! It’ll never happen! “Mess” is my middle name! (or is it “Muddle”? I can never quite remember!) But anyway, that’s about it from me for tonight – drop by again tomorrow night to find out exactly what sort of an “army” job is going to be performed on this place next Tuesday, and whether or not I was “foiled again” by my scales – let’s just hope I don’t go up! I swear I’ll cry if I do… I’ll fill you all in on how many ornaments I managed to get cleaned and packed – I honestly have no idea how many of them there are – it might be enlightening to actually count them, for once – and it might be damn scary, too! :/ So until tomorrow night, I shall again exhort you all to bee good, remember that a mirror does not show who you are, a mirror only shows who you pretend to be. Don’t forget to drive carefully, to keep warm, and to look after yourselves, but most importantly… don’t forget to stay safe! 🙂 ciao, all! 🙂

*FOC = French Of Course!